Some Irish Ones

Joe says to Paddy, “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”

Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, “Jaysus Paddy, what in hell  you are doing?”

Paddy says, “Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attract her.

The Irish have solved their fuel problems. They’ve imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and are going to drill for their own oil.

Paddy says to Mick, “Jeez, I’m ready for me holiday  but this year I’m going to do it a bit different.

Three years ago I went to Spain  and Mary got pregnant.

Two years ago I went to Italy  and Mary got pregnant.

Last year I went to Majorca  and again Mary got pregnant.”

Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?”

Paddy replies, “O think I will take her with  me!”
Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on a Friday this year”

Mick says “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

Paddy and Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.

Mick says, “What if one explodes before we get there?”

Paddy: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. “Did you find the shampoo?”

Paddy says, “yes but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”


(contributed by:Mohan Rao on 31.07.2011)

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