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Some Irish Ones

Joe says to Paddy, “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”

Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”
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Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, “Jaysus Paddy, what in hell  you are doing?”

Paddy says, “Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attract her.
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The Irish have solved their fuel problems. They’ve imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and are going to drill for their own oil.
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Paddy says to Mick, “Jeez, I’m ready for me holiday  but this year I’m going to do it a bit different.

Three years ago I went to Spain  and Mary got pregnant.

Two years ago I went to Italy  and Mary got pregnant.

Last year I went to Majorca  and again Mary got pregnant.”

Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?”

Paddy replies, “O think I will take her with  me!”
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Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on a Friday this year”

Mick says “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
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Paddy and Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.

Mick says, “What if one explodes before we get there?”

Paddy: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
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Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. “Did you find the shampoo?”

Paddy says, “yes but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”

 

(contributed by:Mohan Rao on 31.07.2011)

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