One second laugh

  • Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?
  • Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
  • When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body…men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
  • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
  • Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  • America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?
  • That’s your common sense leaving your body.
  • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
  • Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
  • They said Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
  • You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
  • If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

(source: user amohanrao on 29.11.2016)