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Apna Santa Singh

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. 

‘Hello, Mr. Bush!’ a heavily accented voice said, ‘This is Santa Singh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab, India. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!’

‘Well, Santa,’ Bush replied, ‘This is indeed important news! How big is your army’

‘Right now,’ said Santa, after a moment’s calculation, ‘there is myself, my cousin Banta, my next door neighbor Balloo, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight’

Bush paused. ‘I must tell you, Santa that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.’

‘Arrey O! Main kya..’ said Santa. ‘I’ll have to ring you back!’

Sure enough, the next day, Santa called again.

‘Mr. Bush, it is Santa, I’m calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!’

‘And what equipment would that be, Santa’, Bush asked.

‘Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik’s tractor.’

Bush sighed. ‘I must tell you, Santa, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.’

‘Oh teri….’ said Santa. ‘I’ll have to get back to you.’

Sure enough, Santa rang again the next day.

‘Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne…. .. We’ve modified Amrik’s tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind’s generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!’

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. ‘I must tell you, Santa, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!’

‘Tera bhala hove….’ said Santa, ‘I’ll have to ring you back.’

Sure enough, Santa called again the next day.

‘Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Bush. ‘Why the sudden change of heart’

‘Well,’ said Santa, ‘we’ve all had a long chat over a couple of lassi’s, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!’

NOW THAT’S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE

(contributed by kapil Bamba on 22.02.2011)

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