Let us Start
WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
“Cash, check or charge?” The salesman asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet the salesman noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” . The salesman asked.
“No,” she replied, ” but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor.
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wonders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, ” You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; because it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure out, if I have to roll my cigrattes own so does she has to.
WIFE vs HUSBAND
couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day, 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….”HEBREWS”
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM .” He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.”
(contributed by : user mdivakaruni on 18.01.2011)WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WOMEN’S REVENGE “Cash, check or ...
As always it gives me immense pleasure to write to you again.
It is our Honorable Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi’s firm belief that Railways can give Gati and Pragati to the nation.We are driven by his vision to make Indian Railways the growth engine of our country. As I look back at the financial year gone by, I can say that we had many success and few misses. I am satisfied but not content.Innovative policies which we introduced have started giving dividends resulting in increase in both passenger and freight traffic. We reversed trend of declining number of passengers and carried 8221 million passengers which is 70 Million more than the last year. I would like to thank all my stakeholders for the connect and their trust on Indian Railways.
To remove bottlenecks, which are created because of the under investment over last many years,it was imperative to work on infrastructure creation. By working on infrastructure augmentation we aspire not only to catch up with the rising demand but also to be ready for future demand.I am glad that we have been able to achieve significant success. Some of the key highlights have been:
- Highest ever 2855 kms of new lines, gauge conversion and doubling commissioned
- Highest ever 953 kms of new line commissioned
- Entire meter gauge has been converted to broad gauge in north east region
- Highest ever 2013 kms of electrification done
- Highest ever 1503 unmanned level crossings eliminated
- Highest ever 1306 Road Over Bridges and Subways completed.
We are working on an ambitious Rs. 8.56 Lakh crore investment plan in the next five years. We have gone beyond the traditional method of financing and are leveraging innovative financing models for fueling our capital expenditure plan. We have formed Joint Ventures with states to speed up infrastructure augmentation keeping the specific needs of every state in perspective.
It is our endeavor to provide superior travel experience to our passengers. We have taken a number of measures to ensure with significant success. Augmenting passenger amenities, new train products, special trains, increase in carrying capacity are just some of the measures we have taken to provide comfort to our passengers. However, we have a lot more to do and we will not rest. Some of the significant achievements in 2016-17 have been:
- Launched new train products: Hum Safar, a completely air conditioned luxury service at affordable price with improved aesthetics, amenities and Antyodaya, a completely unreserved long distance service with improved coaches
- We commissioned 48 lifts and 61 escalators
- High speed Wi-Fi was provided at 100+ stations
- On Board Housekeeping facilities were extended to 157 more trains making a total of 830 trains
- Attached 586 coaches in regular trains, generating an additional capacity of 43,420 berths
- 150 toilets provided for Divyang
- Total 1313 stations have been provided with 100 % LED lights
- We ran 31,438 trips of special trains
Sustainability is another thrust area. We have mainstreamed sustainability and it is no more a peripheral activity. We are working on not only reducing our carbon footprint but also creating positive environmental impact. Some of the highlights in 2016-17 have been:
- 4 MW of installed solar capacity added
- Record 34,000 bio-toilets fitted. In last six years 36,000 bio-toilets were provided
- Energy audit conducted at 205 stations
- 1313 stations have been provided with 100 % LED lights
- We came up with a new Water Policy for efficient use of water resources
- We came up with Mission 41k to achieve a savings of Rs. 41,000 Cr in next 10 years by energy efficiency
It is worth mentioning that since India’s independence the freight traffic in Indian Railways has increased by about 1400% and passenger kilometers by about 1700%, but the route kilometers have grown by just 23%. This has resulted in congestion on the tracks. 40% of the sections are running with more than 100% line capacity utilization. With increased capital expenditure we are trying to de-congest the network. However, infrastructure creation is a time consuming activity. We have also created a Rail Sanranksha Kosh with a total investment of Rs.1 lakh crore. We want to see a quantum jump in the safety performance on the Indian Railways in the next few years. We are introducing latest technology and moving from preventive to predictive maintenance. The augmentation of more physical infrastructure in terms of more railway lines, road over bridges, better signalling, safety related works etc. are impacting the punctuality of trains a little.But the works which we are undertaking now were long overdue and would give much better service delivery in the times to come. We are working on improving the punctuality of trains, and we seek your cooperation. while we have made major inroads in many areas, a lot is yet to be done and we have ambitious plans ahead.Some of the significant plans we are working on and which will facilitate in bench marking of Indian Railways with the best in the world are:
- Rs. 8.56 Lakh Crore capital expenditure plan
- Mission “Zero fatality” to ensure complete safety
- 100% Elimination of Unmanned level Crossings
- Mission One ICT to leverage IT in all aspects of Indian Railways’ functioning for greater efficiency
- Dedicated freight corridor to segregate passenger and freight traffic and thus reduce congestion considerably
- Setting up Rail Development Authority (RDA), an independent regulator to recommend passenger and freight fares and set service level benchmarks
- Rs. 1 Lakh Crore Rail Saranksha Fund for spending on upgrading safety standards
- Mission Raftar to enhance both average and highest speed of trains
- Implementation of accounting reforms to ensure co-relation between input parameters and organisational outcomes
- Mission 5 Cr trees to plant trees for environment conservation
- Redevelopment of stations into world class terminals having best-in-class amenities
- Enhancing non fare revenue through advertisements, monetisation of real estate etc.
- To connect all capital cities of North Eastern States with broad gauge by 2020
- Making Indian Railways 100% human waste discharge free through use of Bio-Toilets
- Generation of 1000 MW solar power, thus becoming one of country’s largest solar power producer
Our Honorable Prime Minister has taken keen interest in Railways and under his leadership, as we continue on our journey to take Indian Railways to greater heights, your cooperation is important to us. Let us work together to make Indian Railways, one of the best in the world
The Goldberg Brothers – The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner :
Here’s a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees Farenheat.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees Farenheat, turned on the air conditioner and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti- Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show — Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max — on the controls.
(source : user amr on 13.09.2011)
Aayega Aanewala, Movie – Mahal
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