Let us Start
- Jokes for the Midweek
Married Lawyer goes home after having fun in his car with his secretary*
On getting home his wife observed panties on the back seat*
She tore it apart screaming “honey what is this?”
He calmly replied : U just destroyed the evidence of the rape case worth a million i’m handling. U can not forget the jewellery you wanted!”
She quickly fell on her knees apologising.
No 1 wins over a Lawyer!
Even something called A WIFE!!
All men are like blue tooth, Always connected when Wife is around.
But the moment she is away, they automatically start searching 4 new devices.
MAN – Can I have SEX with my PREGNANT wife?
Dr – 1st 3 months Normal, Next 3 months like a DOG & last 3 months like a FOX.
MAN – How does FOX Do?
Dr – Sleep near the HOLE & cry.
An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst.
He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle.
It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie.
BUT this was no ordinary genie.
This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.
‘Vell kid,’ said the genie, ‘you know how it voiks. You got three vishes.
”I’m not going to trust you,’ says the Arab.
‘I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!
” Vott’ya you got to lose? Looks to me – you’re a goner anyway!
‘The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right.
‘Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.
‘ * * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * * The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
‘Okee-dokee kiddo, What’s your second wish?
”My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.
‘ * * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * * The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.
‘Okay kid, you got just one more wish. Better you should make it a good one!
‘After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, ‘I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!’
* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * * He was turned into a tampon!
THE MORAL OF THE STORY . : If you’re an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there’s going to be a string attached ***************************
A sindhi shopkeeper was dismayed when one day, a new business, very much like his own, opened up next door, and erected a huge sign which read,
He was horrified when a week later, another competitor, opened up on his right, and announced his arrival with an even larger sign reading
The sindhi shopkeeper panicked, until he got a brilliant idea.
He put the biggest sign all over his own shop..It said,
Moral: Don’t Mess With Sindhi Businessmen.!
INDIRA GANDHI K 2 BETE THE,
1 KO DESH CHALANE KA SHOUK THA,
USNE PLANE CHALAYA – GIRA DIYA.
2RE KO PLANE CHALANE KA SHOUK THA,
USNE DESH CHALAYA – GIRA DIYA.
INDIRA GANDHI KI 2 BAHU HAIN.
1 KO JANWAR PALNE KA SHOUK THA, WOH MINISTER BAN GAYEE.
2RI KO MINISTER BANNEY KA SHOUK THA, USNE JANWAR PALL LIYE –
– DIGVIJAY, KAPIL SIBBAL, MANISH TIWARI, CHIDAMBARAM.
(contributed by: Mohan Rao on 15.02.2012)
NEW DELHI — For more than half a century, one aptitude test has determined the self-esteem, future and even the spouses of generations of Indian adolescents, chiefly boys. The Joint Entrance Exam of the Indian Institutes of Technology is a brooding cultural force that is visible across the nation, on signboards and newspaper advertisements, as “I.I.T.-J.E.E.,” the first abbreviation many Indian children learn. It is an ominous inevitability for millions of boys, a fate decided in their cradles, a certainty like death. Last year nearly half a million candidates took the test — one of the toughest exams in the world — to compete for about 5,000 seats in the best of the I.I.T.’s and nearly as many seats in the less sought-after institutes. Coaching for the J.E.E. is an industry valued at billions of rupees. There is so much demand that some coaching classes have their own entrance exams. But the J.E.E. is now on its way out.
It is not the only engineering entrance exam in India. Lower down the rungs, there are other colleges, which require other exams to qualify. Competition is fierce all the way. Disturbed by the number of entrance exams, the Human Resource Development Ministry has decided to devise a common exam that would govern the admission process of several engineering institutes, including the famed I.I.T.’s. The nature of the new aptitude test, which is expected to debut in 2014, would be different from the J.E.E. The selection procedure, too, would be very different from what the I.I.T.’s use today. So, the type of person who enters the I.I.T.’s in the future may be very different. Opinion is divided on whether the new I.I.T. graduate will be better or worse than current alumni.
The I.I.T.’s are nothing without the national perception of the “IITian.” And the perception is that he is primarily a he. And that he must be very smart. As some Indians point out with a hint of pride, in Scott Adams’s “Dilbert” comic strip, the brilliant Asok, who died on a Moon mission and reincarnated as part man and part Snickers bar, is from I.I.T. The fame of the institutes is an enduring relic from the years when socialism impoverished India and securing an elite engineering degree became the most elegant way for smart Indians to escape to America.
The I.I.T.’s were never great centers of learning by world standards.
Rather, they were museums that collected young Indians with excellent quantitative abilities. In the 1980s and ’90s, the migration of Indian scientific talent to the United States, deplored here as a “brain drain,” became a subject of intense debates in schools and colleges. Once, during the convocation ceremony at I.I.T.-Madras, the chief speaker received a standing ovation when he declared, “Brain drain is better than brain in the drain.” His words traveled with the speed of a rumor across Madras, also known as Chennai, through homes and schools, evoking laughter and applause, and delivering a bleak reminder to young boys that their lives depended on passing the J.E.E.
In Madras in the ’80s, many smart girls were not allowed by their families to take the J.E.E. for fear that it would then be hard to get them married. One girl I knew who cleared the exam was not allowed by her parents to attend the institute, probably for the same reason. But the boys who made it to the I.I.T.’s became the heroes of their neighborhoods. Other boys hated them, and pretty girls wanted to marry them. The adulation would follow them until the end of their time.
The glamour of the I.I.T.’s has always inspired parents to force their children to take the J.E.E. Increasingly, those parents are from modest educational and financial backgrounds. A few years ago, in Mumbai, I walked into a J.E.E. coaching class that conducted its own entrance exam to filter out 9 out of 10 applicants. An orientation program for parents was under way. A man who could not read English was sitting with brochures and study materials. He was disturbed that I was carrying a red book while he had not been given any such book. I told him that the book I was holding was a novel called “Love in the Time of Cholera.”
“Is it a guide?” he asked.
For a long time, the IITians were from urban, literate middle-class families, and it was inevitable that their success would inspire small-town Indians to prepare for the mother of all entrance exams.
Coaching colleges essentially dispensed with formal schooling and focused on the J.E.E. alone. As they became increasingly successful, it became evident that the J.E.E. was no longer an aptitude test but a giant goal that could be achieved through years of brute hard work and coaching.
I.I.T. professors and alumni have been mourning the falling quality of the students. Last October, Narayana Murthy, the co-founder of Infosys and an I.I.T. alumnus, told an audience in New York that the new IITians were substandard. “They somehow get through the Joint Entrance Examination. But their performance in I.I.T.’s, at jobs or when they come for higher education in institutes in the U.S. is not as good as it used to be.”
It is improbable that the I.I.T.’s will ever regain their old glory. The circumstances of the nation have changed, and the smartest Indians do not need an engineering degree to find a place in the world or to make a decent living. Also, the government has not invested enough in the I.I.T.’s, and the most talented scientific minds have the option to enroll in genuinely outstanding centers of learning in the West instead of being stuck in a place that has derived its prestige largely from the fact that only one in 50 cracks its entrance exam.
Manu Joseph is editor of the Indian newsweekly Open and author of the novel “Serious Men.”
A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology..
After one week, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird’s legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs. The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.
Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher’s desk. “This is the worst test I have ever given.”
The teacher looked up and said: “Young man, you have flunked the test.
What’s your name?”
The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said:
“You tell me…”———————————-
An Indian guy goes for a job interview.
Interviewer : “Can you please write your name in English on this paper”
Man writes his name down and passes the paper back to the Interviewer.
Interviewer : “Are you sure this is your name”
Man : “Of course, I am sure that this is my name”
Interviewer “So your name is… PRETTY RED PANTIES”
Man : “Yes sir, you told me to write my name in English, but in Punjabi my name is…….
“SUNDAR LAL CHADHA”
He got the job!!
(source : user A Mohan Rao on 31.08.2012)
OM SAI RAM
(SOURCE : Facebook – Sachin Bansal on 21.04.2012)OM SAI RAM (SOURCE : Facebook – Sachin Bansal on 21.04.2012)
Fondly remembered and greatly missed. Very dearly remembered, yes, but i am still not sure if we miss mom or dont. Its been exactly one year now since God took dear mom from us. Seems like a dream, but alas, this one got real. Just the other day, she de
Fondly remembered and greatly missed. Very dearly remembered, yes, but i am still not sure if we miss mom or dont. Its been exactly one year now since God took dear mom from us. Seems like a dream, but alas, this one got real. Just the other day, she developed infection and we rushed her to the ICU. And suddenly things began crashing. Couple of painful days and sleepless nights and everything changed forever. One year and we all can still feel her with us. Around us. We miss every little thing about her. An epitome of love, warmth, care. A teaches. A corrector and above all, a very loving mom. Maa. Mum. Mummy. Every evening that i would come home, i would be shouting a hello. Loud. She was always there. Even though when she was confined to the wheel chair. Even when she was dazed after the painful dialysis sessions. Even if she was very unwell. She was always there. For me. For us. The loud hello still echoes as i enter but shes not there.
But then i dont miss her too. Unfortunately we can not see her, but she can. She can not talk to us, but we can. And i do. Whether its a new project or a big problem solved. I keep talking to her. We can feel the aura. I know she is around. And today i would just like to tell her, yes mom, you will be forever fondly rememberd and greately greately missed. Forever.
Love you maa.
(source: user Kapil Bamba)Fondly remembered and greatly missed. Very dearly remembered, yes, but i am still not sure if we miss mom or dont. Its been exactly one year now since God took dear mom from us. Seems like a dream, but alas, this one got real. Just the other day, she de Fondly remembered and greatly missed. Very ...