Enjoy light reading

 

 

  • New Secretary’s Resume

    Deer Sir,

    I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

    I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.

    I’m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

    I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.

    My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

    I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. . . hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

    Sinseerly,

    Peggy May Starlings

    PS : Because my resimay is a bit short – below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.
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     Employer’s reply……

    Dear Peggy,

    It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check…..

    Welcome onboard!!
    (contributed by: Mohan Rao on 25.08.2011)

  • Police Officer in the Court.

     

    Police officer in the court.

    If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility…

    Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’

    A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’

    Q: ‘Officer — who provided this description?’

    A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’

    Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’

    A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’

    Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’

    A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’

    Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’

    A: ‘Yes sir, I do.’

    Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’

    A: ‘Yes sir.’

    Q: ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’

    A: ‘You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’

    The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year’s ‘Best Comeback’ line — and we think he’ll win.

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    A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM SATSANG. HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP

  • Story behind Taj Mahal

    We know TAJ MAHAL as a symbol of love But d other lesser known facts :

    1. Mumtaz was Shahjahan’s 4th wife, out of his 7 wives (great)

    2. Shah jahan killed Mumtaz’s husband to marry her (excellent)

    3. Mumtaz died in her 14th delivery (wow)

    4. He then married Mumtaz’s sister (amazing) Where d Hell is LOVE ???

    (LOVE HAS GONE INTO THE SAMADHI)

     

    LOVE IS IN THE EYES & MINDS OF THE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVED THESE STUPID STORIES AND WENT ‘GA GA’ OVER IT. ALSO, HOWEVER MUCH IT IS TOLD “OUR GREAT PEOPLE & HISTORIANS WOULD NOT BELIEVE, THAT EXISTED IN THESE STORIES. THE MOGHUL & INFACT MOST OF THE MUSLIM KINGS/COMMONERS CASE  IS THE SAME.  HISTORIANS DUPED US TO A GREAT EXTENT AND NOW THE THIRD RATE SECULAR POLITICIANS.

      JAI HO ??????????????  

     

    AKBAR was called “GREAT” by Historians and SHIVAJI termed as the “MOUNTAIN RAT” by the same historians. How much GREAT AKBAR was seen in his NAVROSA conducted every POURNIMA day to draw beautiful ladies in to the Moghul garden – invitation sent in the name of QUEEN. There Akbar used to select His ‘bride’ for the night. AND where as SHIVAJI, was furious with his own General, for capturing a Muslim queen during a battle and sent her back with all the Honours. THIS IS THE CULTURE WE HOLD HIGH, BUT THE SECULARISTS & OTHERS SEE THAT WHAT AKBAR & OTHERS DID WAS GREAT.

     

     

    (contributed by: Mohan Rao on 18.08.2011)

  • World Situation


    If a man cuts his finger off while Slicing salami at work, 
    He blames the restaurant. 
    ———–
    If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, 
    Your family blames the Tobacco company. 
    ———–
    If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, 
    He blames the bartender. 
    ———–
    If your grandchildren are Brats without manners, 
    You blame television
    ———–
    If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman, 
    You blame the gun manufacturer.
    ———–
    And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and 
    tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
    and the passengers Kill him instead, 
    The mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline. 
    ———–
    Any problem in your computers,
    I want all of you to  blame Bill Gates .


    (contributed by:Mohan Rao on 29.04.2011)

  • Corporate Bungling.

     

    Corporate Bungling

     

    CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS TRUE STORY ??

     

    The Price of Stupidity

    What a world? (country New South Wales)… On Thursday, 24 January 2002, Derek Guille broadcast this story on his afternoon program on ABC radio.

    In March 1999, a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as-yet-unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

    In April, he received another bill and threw that one away too.

    The following month, the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating that they  were going to cancel his gas line if he didn’t send them $0.00 by return mail.

    He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.

    The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.

    He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it.

    The next day, he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue.

    Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake, he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

    The next month, he got a bill for $0.00. This bill also stated that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.

    Finally, giving in, he thought he would beat the gas company at their own game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the gas company nothing at all.

    A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the Westpac Banking Corporation called our hapless friend and asked him what he was doing writing a cheque for $0.00.

    After a lengthy explanation, the bank manager replied that the $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank could, therefore, not process ANY cheques they had received from ANY of their customers that day because the cheque for $0.00 had caused the computer to crash.

    The following month, the man received a letter from the gas company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by return mail, they would take immediate steps to recover the debt.

    At this point, the man decided to file a debt harassment claim against the gas company. It took him nearly two hours to convince the clerks at the local court house that he was not joking.

    They subsequently helped him in the drafting of statements which were considered  substantive evidence of the aggravation and difficulties he had been forced  to endure during this debacle.

    The matter was heard in the Magistrate’s Court in Mudgee and the outcome was this:

    The gas company was ordered to:

    [1] Immediately rectify their computerised accounts system or Show Cause, within 10 days, why the matter should not be referred to a higher court for consideration under Company Law.

    [2] Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by the man.

    [3] Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by all the Westpac clients whose cheques had been bounced on the day our friend’s had been processed.

    [4] Pay the claimant’s court costs; and

    [5] Pay the claimant a total of $1500 per month for the 5-month period March to July inclusive as compensation for the aggravation they had caused their client to suffer.

    And all this over $0.00.

    This story can also be viewed on the ABC (Australia) website.

    WHO EMPLOYED THESE IDIOTS ??

     

    (contributed by user: A Mohan Rao on 21.05.2011)

  • The Elephant Whisperer – amazing

     

    Lawrence Anthony, a legend in South Africa and author of 3 books including the bestseller
    The Elephant Whisperer, bravely rescued wildlife and rehabilitated
    elephants all over the globe from human atrocities, including the
    courageous rescue of Baghdad Zoo animals during US invasion in 2003.

    On March 7, 2012 Lawrence Anthony died.
    He is remembered and missed by his wife, 2 sons, 2 grandsons
    & numerous elephants.
    Two days after his passing, the wild elephants showed up at his
    home led by two large matriarchs. Separate wild herds arrived
    in droves to say goodbye to their beloved man-friend.
    A total of 20 elephants
    had patiently walked over 12 miles to get
    to his South African house.

    Witnessing this spectacle, humans were obviously in awe not only because of the supreme intelligence and
    precise timing that these elephants sensed about Lawrence ‘s
    passing, but also because of the profound memory and emotion
    the beloved animals evoked in such an organized way:
    Walking slowly – for days – making their way in a solemn one-by-one
    queue from their habitat to his house.

    Lawrence’s wife, Francoise, was especially touched, knowing that the elephants had not been to his house prior to
    that day for well over a year!
    But yet they knew where they were going.

    The elephants obviously wanted to pay their deep respects, honoring their friend who’d saved their lives – so much respect that they stayed for 2 days 2 nights.

    Then one morning, they left, making their long journey back home.

     

     

     

     

    (contributed by: Mohan Rao on 16.jun.2012)

  • Hindi Video Songs of Alisha Chinai

    Video of Alisha Chinai
    (link : www.hindigeetmala.com contributed by: Mohan Rao on 15.07.2011)



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