Enjoy light reading

 

 

  • A Story of George Bush.

     

     A Story of George Bush

     

    George  Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone  rang. 

    "Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh  
    from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are ophicially declaring the war on you!" 

    "Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news!, How big is your army" 

    "Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Harjit, and the 
    whole
     kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight of us" 

    Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

    "Arrey O, main kya.. ," said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!" 

    Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

    "Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to get some more inphantry ekvipment!"

    "And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh," Bush asked. 

    "Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Harjit's tractor." 

    Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to  
    1-1/2 million since we last spoke." 

    "Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you." 

    Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next  day. 

    "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Harjit's tractor by adding a couple of  shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school 
    pass boys from Malpur have also joined us as." 

    Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,  surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" 

    "Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back." 

    Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day. "Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off  the war." 

    "I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart," may I ask? 

    "Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of  lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

     

    (contributed by : Amr on 19.09.2012)
    [/jbox]

     

  • Navjot Singh Sidhu’s Quotes

    • Navjot Siddhu’s famous quotes

      1. After marriage, the other man’s wife looks more beautiful.
      2. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
      3. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
      4. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
      5. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
      6. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
      7. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
      8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of petrol but cannot go beyond 30!
      9. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
      10. In London they drive on the left, in India we drive on what is left.
        1. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.
        2. Kumble

  • Small Tips

     

     Small Tips

     

    A bachelor longs for a wife who will take care of him; so do many husbands.

    A child misbehaves to get attention and gets it. 

     A family budget makes you worry about money before you spend it.

    A good wife sits up with you when you’re sick and puts up with you when you’re not.

    A husband expects his wife to be perfect and to understand why he isn’t.

    A women often dresses for the man she likes most and the women she likes least.

    For broken marriages many husbands split the blame, half wife’s fault and half her mother’s.

    If you think you have trouble supporting your wife, just try not supporting her.

    Marriage is good, otherwise we may have nobody to quarrel with.

    Marriages are made in heaven, so are thunderstorms.

    Sign at a marriage counselor’s ” Out to lunch, think it over ! “.

    Smart wives see through their husbands, good wives see them through.

    The guaranteed way to save a marriage from divorce is not to show up for the wedding.

    The wife isn’t always boss at home, sometimes it’s her mother.

    The wife who doesn’t expect a perfect husband is a perfect wife herself.

     

  • Sarkari Nai (Barber)

    Sarkari Nai (Barber) ne baal kaat-te waqt Kapil Sibal se poochha – Saab ye Swiss bank wala kya lafda hai ?
    Kapil Sibal shouted – Abey tu baal kaat raha hai ya inquiry kar raha hai ?
    Nai ( Barber)- Sorry saab aise hi poochh liya.

    Agle din Pranab Mukerji se bal Kaat-ke waqt poochha – Saab ye kala dhan kya hota hai ?
    Pranab shouted – Tum humse ye sawaal q poochha ?
    Nai – Sorry saab bas aise hi poochh liya.

    Next day CBI interrogated the Nai – Are u an agent of Baba Ramdev ?
    Nai – Nahi saab ji.
    CBI – Kya tum Anna ke agent ho ?
    Nai – Nahi saab ji.
    CBI – To tum baal kat-te waqt Congressi netaon se faltu ke sawaal q karte ho ?
    Naayi – Saab na jane q Swiss bank aur kale dhan k naam par her Congress waley ke baal khade ho jate hain aur mujhko baal kaatne me aasani ho jati hai isliye poochhta rehta hoon.

    (contributed by: Mohan Rao on 29.07.2011)

  • Surya Namaskar is more than weight loss

    Suryanamaskar can do to your body what months of dieting cannot. And it can do to your mind what no spiritual discourse can. 

    Not surprising, the world is going crackers over this ancient yogic tradition of worshipping the rising sun. What with the likes of Jennifer Aniston, Victoria Beckham and Kareena Kapoor endorsing it over gym workouts and bizarre diets.

    From improving your posture, strengthening muscles to whittling extra inches around the waist, the benefits of Suryanamaskar are many, provided you adapt it the right way. A set of 12 fixed, cyclic postures define Suryanamaskar which when performed repeatedly at an easy pace can bring a sense of well being, almost immediately. However, those with a heart condition, arthritis or slip-disk, need their doctor’s consent before starting the routine. Suryanamaskar’s surging popularity notwithstanding, jumpstarting a schedule is most definitely not the best thing to do for a fitness novice. If you have been gravely out of form in a way that you haven’t stretched your muscles in ages, first give your body some time to open up, which you can do with some flexibility and stamina-building exercises before embarking on the more arduous ‘Suryanamaskar’.

    And once your body has registered a certain fitness level, you can begin with a set of three Suryanamaskars in the first instance and increase it to five then ten and more depending on your stamina. Anymore than clocking up numbers, it is important to get each posture right, for the very essence of this yogic ritual lies in perfecting every move. To say the least, it can be an uphill task for beginners. But our expert-backed warm-up exercises are sure to make Suryanamaskar less strenuous and ever so graceful.

     

    1. Neck: Breathe in while you turn your neck to the right and breathe out as you come back to the starting position. Again, breathe in while turning your neck to the left and breathe out in the centre. Repeat this movement thrice. Rotate your neck first clockwise and then anti-clockwise.

    2. Arm and shoulder: Stretch your arms out in front of your chest and move your palms up and down, then sideways. Further on, rotate your fist clockwise and anti-clockwise. To relax your arms, place your palm on your shoulder and move your shoulders first clockwise then anti-clockwise.

    3. Knee: Bend forwards with your palms resting on your knees, join your knees and move forwards and backwards. End the routine by rotating your knees clockwise and anti-clockwise.

    4. Stomach and back: Interlock your fingers over your chest and slowly raise your hands upwards while you breathe in and stand on your toes. Return to Position 1 as you breathe out. Repeat this cycle three times.

    5. Legs and waist: Stretch your legs wide in standing position, touch you left toe with the right hand, then the right toe with the left. Keep your knees straight while you do so. Repeat a few times.

    By now your body is suitably warmed up to begin the Suryanamaskar routine. Here is a step-by-step account of the 12 postures. Don’t try this routine on a mat, you are better off on the bare floor or on the grass.

    Posture 1# Stand erect, ideally facing the morning sun. Fold your hands in prayer close to your chest and chant ‘Om Suryadevaya Namah’ thrice.

    Posture 2# With your hands together raise your arms up in the air while you breathe in. Bend over backwards forming an arch from the hands to your feet. The flexibility of the spine is ensured in this posture.

    Posture 3# Bring your hands down while you breathe out to touch the floor on either side of your feet. In this posture, it is imperative to keep your knees straight as you bend forward from the waist, and your head as close as possible to the knee. This posture helps melt the excess fat around the stomach by aiding digestion.

    Posture 4# While breathing in, put your hands flush with the floor and lower your hips and stretch your left leg back, allowing it to balance on your toes, and your right leg bent in a crouching stance. With your hands firmly on the ground and your arms straight as a die, raise your head upwards to face the sky. This one is for the flexibility of spine and leg muscles, and boosts immunity from diseases.

    Posture 5# As you breathe out, let your hands stay firmly on the ground and push your right leg back parallel to the left. Make sure your feet firmly touch the ground and your hip raised high. With your arms and knees straight lower your head to face your navel.

    Posture 6# Hold your breath as you bring your hips down while keeping your hands and feet in the same position, and stretch your whole body near the floor. With your face downward, bring your chest and knees to lightly brush the floor, and hold your hips slightly high. At this juncture, 8 points of your body are touching the floor – your palms, forehead, chest, knees and toes.

    Posture 7# This posture is a mere extension of Posture 6, in that you breathe in and straighten your arms and lift your chest upward in an arching stance, and your head thrown back facing the sky. Your arms, at this point, carry the weight of your body, with you knees and toes resting on the floor.

    Posture 8# Bring your body back to Posture 5 by raising your hips and lowering your chest and head. Keep your arms and knees straight while you do so, and place your feet flush with the floor. Then lower you head to face your navel.

    Posture 9# As you breathe in, return to a similar position as Posture 4, only this time you will be crouching on the left knee and stretching back your right leg. Place your hands firmly on the ground, and with the weight of your body on your arms move your chest forward and arch your head up to face the sky.

    Posture 10# From here, flow back to Posture 3 while keeping your hands flush with the floor and bringing your right foot side by side with your left one. As you straighten your knee, raise your back to arch in a standing position with your head as close as possible to the knee and your hands on either side of your feet.

    Posture 11# Take a deep breathe and raise your arms up in the air as you straighten your back and gradually bend over backwards, akin to Posture 2. Your knees stay straight all the while.

    Posture 12# Bring yourself to Posture 1 from here with your hands folded before your chest in prayer, and your spine erect, your knees straight and your eyes shut in meditation.

    With Posture 12 you complete one full circle of Suryanamaskar. From here you can flow back to Posture 2 to continue the routine. However, always follow up your Suryanamaskar regime with Savasana, better known as Corpse Pose. In this posture, you lay down on the floor with your legs and arms apart, your palms facing the sky, and eyes deep shut. Breathe in and out heavily and try to focus your thoughts on something happy. Stay on this way for a few minutes and you will feel a sense of calm run down your body like a drug.

    Weight loss is just one consequence; you can so much as put your life together with this ancient yogic tradition.

     

     

    (contributed by: SN on 02.02.2012)

  • Laugh more for better health

    Find out how
    Laughter is key to your mental wellness. It can pick you up, keep you positive and bust stress, all within minutes. Laughter is an Instant Vacation is a book designed to do all of those. It is filled with 250 humorous quotes, paired with very funny photos. Need a sample? Enjoy!
    Laughter is an Instant Vacation

    “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
    -Phyllis Diller

    “Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.”
    -Paula Poundstone

    “I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
    -George Carlin

    “He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.”
    -Ben Franklin

    “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”
    -Erma Bombeck

    “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
    -Milton Berle

    “The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.”
    -Evan Esar

    “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
    -Lily Tomlin

    “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
    -Jerry Seinfeld

    “The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.”
    -Julia Child

    “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
    -Lucille Ball

    “I can resist everything except temptation”
    -Oscar Wilde

    “Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”
    -Doug Larson

    “If you love something, set it free. Unless it’s chocolate. Never release chocolate.”
    -Renee Duvall

    “Laughter is the best medicine for a long and happy life. He who laughs – lasts!”
    -Wilford A. Peterson  

     

     

     

    (contributed by: Mohan Rao on 04.02.2012)

  • Indian Twinkle twinkle little star




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