Let us Start
- Witty PriestA distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest sitting beside her,
“Father, may I ask a favor?
“Of course, child. What may I do for you?
“Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me… under your robe, perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you… I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they got to Customs, the woman let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked,
“And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date…unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”
(contributed by:mohan rao on 06.07.2011)
Medical advice for the ageing !!!
Different parts of our body ages at different times
We all accept that getting older is inevitable, and now leading clinicians have revealed the exact age when different body parts start to decline, most alarming being the brain and lungs.
BRAIN – Starts ageing at 20
As we get older, the number of nerve cells – or neurons – in the brain decrease. We start with around 100 billion, but in our 20s this number starts to decline. By 40, we could be losing up to 10,000 per day, affecting memory, co-ordination and brain function.
GUT – Starts ageing at 55
A healthy gut has good balance between harmful and ‘friendly’ bacteria. But levels of friendly bacteria in the gut drop significantly after 55, particularly in the large intestine, says Tom MacDonald, professor of immunology at Barts And The London medical school. As a result, we suffer from poor digestion and an increased risk of gut disease. Constipation is more likely as we age, as the flow of digestive juices from the stomach, liver, pancreas and small intestine slows down.
BREASTS – Start ageing at 35
BY their mid-30s, women’s breasts start losing tissue and fat, reducing size and fullness. Sagging starts properly at 40 and the areola (the area surrounding the nipple) can shrink considerably.
BLADDER – Starts ageing at 65
Loss of bladder control is more likely when you hit 65. Women are more vulnerable to bladder problems as, after the menopause, declining oestrogen levels make tissues in the urethra – the tube through which urine passes – thinner and weaker, reducing bladder support…. Bladder capacity in an older adult generally is about half that of a younger person – about two cups in a 30-year-old and one cup in a 70-year-old.
LUNGS – Start ageing at 20
Lung capacity slowly starts to decrease from the age of 20. By the age of 40, some people are already experiencing breathlessness. This is partly because the muscles and the rib cage which control breathing stiffen up.
VOICE – Starts ageing at 65
Our voices become quieter and hoarser with age. The soft tissues in the voice box (larynx) weaken, affecting the pitch, loudness and quality of the voice. A woman’s voice may become huskier and lower in pitch, whereas a man’s might become thinner and higher.
EYES – Start ageing at 40
Glasses are the norm for many over-40s as failing eyesight kicks in – usually long-sightedness, affecting our ability to see ob-jects up close.
HEART – Starts ageing at 40
The heart pumps blood less effectively around the body as we get older. This is because blood vessels become less elastic, while arteries can harden or become blocked because of fatty deposits forming on the coronary arteries – caused by eating too much saturated fat. The blood supply to the heart is then reduced, resulting in painful angina. Men over 45 and women over 55 are at greater risk of a heart attack…
LIVER – Starts ageing at 70
This is the only organ in the body which seems to defy the aging process.
KIDNEYS – Starts ageing at 50
With kidneys, the number of filtering units (nephrons) that remove waste from the bloodstream starts to reduce in middle age.
PROSTATE – Starts ageing at 50
The prostate often becomes enlarged with age, leading to problems such as increased need to urinate, says Professor Roger Kirby, director of the Prostate Centre in London . This is known as benign prostatic hyperplasia and affects half of men over 50, but rarely those under 40. It occurs when the prostate absorbs large amounts of the male sex hormone testosterone, which increases the growth of cells in the prostate. A normal prostate is the size of a walnut, but the condition can increase this to the size of a tangerine.
BONES – Start ageing at 35
‘Throughout our life, old bone is broken down by cells called osteoclasts and replaced by bone-building cells called osteoblasts – a process called bone turnover,’ explains Robert Moots, professor of rheumatology at Aintree University Hospital in Liverpool . Children’s bone growth is rapid – the skeleton takes just two years to renew itself completely. In adults, this can take ten years. Until our mid-20s, bone density is still increasing. But at 35 bones loss begins as part of the natural ageing process.
TEETH – Start ageing at 40
As we age, we produce less saliva, which washes away bacteria, so teeth and gums are more vulnerable to decay..? Receding gums – when tissue is lost from gums around the teeth – is common in adults over 40.
MUSCLES – Start ageing at 30
Muscle is constantly being built up and broken down, a process which is well balanced in young adults. However, by the time we’re 30, breakdown is greater than buildup, explains Professor Robert Moots. Once adults reach 40, they start to lose between 0.5 and 2 per cent of their muscle each year. Regular exercise can help prevent this.
HEARING – Starts ageing mid-50s
More than half of people over 60 lose hearing because of their age, according to the Royal National Institute for the Deaf.
SKIN – Starts ageing mid-20s
The skin starts to age naturally in your mid-20s.
TASTE AND SMELL – Start ageing at 60
We start out in life with about 10,000 taste buds scattered on the tongue. This number can halve later in life. After we turn 60, taste and smell gradually decline, partly as a result of the normal ageing process.
FERTILITY – Starts ageing at 35
Female fertility begins to decline after 35, as the number and quality of eggs in the ovaries start to fall. The lining of the womb may become thinner, making it less likely for a fertilised egg to take and also creating an environment hostile to sperm.
HAIR – Starts ageing at 30
Male hair loss usually begins in the 30s. Hair is made in tiny pouches just under the skin’s surface, known as follicles. A hair normally grows from each follicle for about three years, is then shed, and a new hair grows. Most people will have some grey hair by the age of 35. When we are young, our hair is coloure d by the pigments produced by cells in the hair follicle known as melanocytes.
(contributed by: Mohan Rao on 24.03.2012)Medical advice for the ageing !!! Different parts of our body ages at different times We all accept that getting older is inevitable, and now leading clinicians have revealed the exact age when different body parts start to decline, most alarming being the brain and lungs. BRAIN – Starts ageing at 20 As we get older, the number of ...
An Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair.
He doesn’t have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. so he shouts over to the bartender loudly enough that everyone can hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there”.
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, “Thank you!” in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.
As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, “Thank you!”
The Arab asks the bartender, “What’s the hell is the matter with that Jew?
I’ve ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly bugger does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?”
“Nope,” replies the bartender. “He owns the place
(contributed by: amr on 14.12.2012)An Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair. He doesn’t have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. so he shouts over to the bartender loudly enough that ...
- The neighbour’s cooking always smell better.
- The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
- The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavorable. Favorable conditions never come.
- The Pain of the mind is worse than the pain of the body.
- The price of greatness is responsibility.
- The Prophet and the quack are like admired in this world.
- The secret of success, never lets you down, never lets you up.
- The seed you sow, another reaps.
- The wealth you hoard, another keeps.
- The robe you weaves, another wears.
- The assets you make, another tears.
- An optimist expects his dreams to come true, a pessimist expects his nightmares to.
- The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.
- The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.
- The doer of good, o my son, never comes to grief.
- The Faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- The miser does no good to anybody, but he treats himself worst of all.
- Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power,some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.
- The Bible asks us to love our neighbours and our enemies, probably because they are usually the same people.
(source : Lessons of Life by Gyan C Jain )