Let us Start
- How to Be a good Wife / Daughter in lawFor nearly two decades, I have been married to a great man with an amazing–and amazingly insane–family. I have often joked with my husband that someday I will write a soap opera pilot based on his family. Now, with soap operas on their way out, maybe it will be an unreal reality show. In any case, his family–complete with the four-time married estranged father with a debilitating neurological disease and a mail-order bride, many full, step and half siblings, a politician, a couple of lawyers, a professor (and a Mary Ann, but not on Gilligan’s Island)–all became my family, too, on our wedding day, including, most importantly, my husband’s mother.
Throughout our marriage, my mother-in-law has been both a source of friendship and love as well as the deep grooves that have formed from biting my tongue so much. I have the dubious honor of being the wife of her baby boy–and the youngest of her natural children and her step-children.
Here, I offer what I think has helped me be a good daughter in law (it makes life easier) and has kept me out of the advice columns.
1. Make sure your husband has cut the apron strings.
This might sound like a recipe for disaster, but it has to happen in order to have a good relationship with your mom-in-law. Until my husband personally told his mother that, no, we were not inviting 200 of her closest relatives to our wedding, she was on her way to ruling our roost. But that last snip cut not only the last of the apron string but all the tension that was building up. Well, at least for a while. Without cutting those apron strings, though, your husband has two women trying to have a primary relationship with him. That won’t work–and that is the source of many of those advice column letters.
2. Make sure your husband calls, texts, e-mails or whatever his mother.
This is advice that came from my own mother. She used it with my dad and his mom. “You haven’t talked to your mom for a while. You should call your mom.” Encourage a new, adult relationship between your husband and his mother. She may or may not realize it is you behind the weekly or so phone calls–but she won’t feel as if she’s lost her little boy.
3. Call, text, e-mail or whatever your mother-in-law.
Yes, you. Call your mother-in-law on your own. Try it–she probably won’t bite. Attempt to forge a friendship with her. You married her son. You love him. Ergo, she might be a compatible friend to you. Don’t know what to talk about? Start with what you have in common: her son. Perhaps it is as simple as telling her what he’s been up to that he wouldn’t have told her himself. It’s amazing the conversational differences between men on the phone and women on the phone. He could have had a botched root canal and when his mom asks how his day was, he’d say, “Fine. What’s up with you?” Your mother-in-law will learn that you are actually the true source of information for what her son is actually doing in life. Conversations immediately become much easier once you and your spouse have children. Then, no matter how different you and the mom-in-law are, you have motherhood and her grandchild in common.
4. Don’t say “no” too often.
This is easier if your in-laws live out of town like mine do. But then again, perhaps saying no is a bigger deal when they want to visit and haven’t seen the grandkids for a few months. Anyway, try not to actually say “no” very often. “We’re really busy next weekend. The kids have x, y and z to do. Is there a better weekend?” That’s both honest and polite–and doesn’t get very negative. Leave the negative out as much as possible.
5. Respect the in-law (aka Remember to bite your tongue)
I yelled at my mother-in-law once on the phone (because we live too far apart to do it in person). And it set back our relationship, my husband’s relationship with his mom and could have impacted her relationship with our kids if I had let it. Big mistake (even though I was right!). It took a long time to feel like we were back to normal. If you feel yourself boiling over, learn to bite your tongue.
6. Watch what you post on Facebook
While we are on the subject of biting your tongue: Don’t post your frustrations with your in-laws on Facebook. Even if you aren’t friends with any in-laws on Facebook, your husband probably is. And surely, you are friends with your husband. Someone is bound to say something. I’m even rather wary about publishing this article! And I’m certainly not going to promote it on Facebook or Twitter.
7. Go out for some mother-in-law / daughter-in-law alone time.
Lunch out, shopping, a museum. Go out with her–do something you both like together. This helps you build some memories together. Most mother-in-laws work, if they haven’t retired yet. Shopping for work clothes or shoes together might help you explore areas of each other’s lives that neither of you probably know much about.
8. Let her baby-sit the babies if she wants to.
Unless she has a history of child abuse, you should let her baby-sit and even have the kids overnight. She’s been in charge of small kids before (her own) who made it to adulthood. Even though cribs are built differently, walkers aren’t used anymore and the average child watches more TV in one year than we did in 10, your mother-in-law will be fine with the basics for at least a few hours. Plus, sometimes grandmas have a magic touch that can help get kids (and you) through a stage you haven’t quite been able to master. My own mom scooped up the 4-month-old baby and stated, “Tonight, she can sleep in her nursery. She doesn’t need to sleep in your room anymore.” And Mom was right. Everyone slept much better. My mother-in-law helped potty train my youngest, and my step-father-in-law taught our middle child to ride a bike with no training wheels. I think it’s a combination of patience and seeing the situation with a fresh pair of eyes. Do not feel intimidated or mad if your mother-in-law teaches your child something new–rejoice that it is one more thing off your mental, maternal to-do list.
9. Begin your visits with a hug and smile. And remember to say “I love you.”
- Navjot Siddhu’s famous quotes
- After marriage, the other man’s wife looks more beautiful.
- Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
- Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
- As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
- Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
- Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
- He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
- He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of petrol but cannot go beyond 30!
- He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
- In London they drive on the left, in India we drive on what is left.
- Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.
Bananas are an often-overlooked but excellent source of tryptophan, an amino acid your body converts into serotonin – which boosts your mood and promotes restful sleep. Bananas also contain magnesium and potassium, which help your muscles relax, and even have a bit of melatonin, a hormone your body produces when it’s time to go to sleep.
2. Tart Cherry Juice
Cherries are another natural source of the “sleep hormone” melatonin, and research shows that levels are elevated in people who drink tart cherry juice regularly. Plus, one study found that drinking tart cherry juice improved sleep quality, increased total sleep time by about 25 minutes and boost “sleep efficiency,” a measure of sleep quality, by up to 6%.[iii]
1. Almond Butter
Spread a tablespoon or two of almond butter on apple or banana slices, or even eat it straight from the jar. Almonds are a good source of sleep-promoting, muscle-relaxing magnesium, and they contain just enough protein to help keep your blood sugar levels steady while you sleep (without weighing you down like heavier protein sources).
(source: http://www.losethebackpain.com/blog/2012/08/15/worst-foods-to-eat-before-bed/)3. Bananas Bananas are an often-overlooked but excellent source of tryptophan, an amino acid your body converts into serotonin – which boosts your mood and promotes restful sleep. Bananas also contain magnesium and potassium, which help your muscles relax, and even have a bit of melatonin, a hormone your body produces when it’s time to go ...
SRI PADMANABHASAWMY TEMPLE, TRIVANDRUM
SIR THOMAS MUNRO, GOVERNOR of MADRAS
Hinduism, also called Sanathana Dharma, is universal in application and does not make any difference between one religion and the other. All the devotees who believe and follow the tenets of Hinduism are respected and rewarded alike. The foregoing is a classic example of an Englishman by name Sir Thomas Munro [1761-1827] who was the Governor of Madras and his devotional attachment to Sri Padmanabha Swamy Temple at Trivandrum [then called Travancore].
When India was ruled by the British, there were so many princely states like Mysore, Rajasthan, Travancore etc. which were directly ruled by the respective Maharajas who owed allegiance to the British throne. The erstwhile Maharajas of Travancore ruled the State in the belief that it was their ‘Divine Right to Rule’. They were simultaneously aware of the fact that the Right to Rule entirely depended on their ability to rule ‘rightly’ in keeping with the tenets of Hindu Dharma or Raja Dharma as it is called in Sanskrit. They also knew that it was Divinity that gave them the power to rule.
In 1750, King Martanda Varma, the most powerful of the Travancore rulers, pledged that he and his descendents would serve the kingdom as servants of Lord Padmanabha [Padmanabha Dasa], the Lord being the King. The British had observed the tradition and honoured the Lord with a 21-gun salute.
When the Indian states were merged, Independent India appointed the Travancore royal head as the Raj Pramukh; but he preferred to be known as Padmanabha Dasa, and not as Raja Pramukh. The government had continued to honour the tradition of 21 gun-salutes to the Lord till 1970 when, along with the abolition of princely titles, the honour of the Lord was withdrawn.
Sri Padmanabha Swamy Temple, as seen today, was built by Maharaja Martanda Varma in 1773. Dedicated to Lord Vishnu, the Temple has an 18 feet long idol and a seven-tier Gopuram.
Sometime in the early 19th century, the State was ruled by Maharaja Martanda Varma. When he passed away in 1813 he had no male heir to succeed him to the throne. So, the British Government approved of a provisional arrangement to rule the State by making his wife Rani Lakshmibai as a Regent. This was an immediate and temporary arrangement till a final decision was taken about the successor. At that time Thomas Munro who was stationed at Travancore was representing the British Government as Dewan.of Travancore. After sometime, the Governor General of India asked Munro to intimate the name of a suitable successor. Munro could not give an immediate reply as he knew that at that time Rani Lakshmibai was carrying and the delivery was expected soon. If the Rani failed to deliver a male child, the Travancore State, as per the Doctrine of Succession, would lapse to the British throne.
When a final reminder came from the Governor General for an immediate reply and the decision could not brook any delay, Munro was in a real fix. The Queen had not yet delivered. However, as Munro had great respect to Hinduism and believed in the Divinity of Lord Padmanabha and as he was also keen on continuing the lineage of the Maharaja, he prayed to Lord Padmanabha and sent a letter to the Governor General saying that the Queen had delivered a male child, even though no delivery had taken place. He took a great risk of uttering a lie, guided by an inner voice that divine intervention would prove him true.
Munro spent sleepless nights after sending the letter. One fine morning he went on horse back to the East Fort at Travancore and facing the Lord murmured “O Lord! I believe you are omnipotent. I adore you. Please grant me a boon. Let Her Highness deliver a male child. There should not be a gap in your Slave Kings. Bless Her Highness with a male child for the throne”. He further added “if it is true that you are there, grant me my boon. If it is not granted, I cannot say what I will do”. After his prayer, Munro returned to the Residency, his official residence. Within a few minutes, he heard the news that Her Highness had delivered a male child. The joy of the Resident knew no bounds. He cried in ecstasy “O Lord Padmanabha! You are a reality. You are very much there in flesh and blood”.
The male child that was born to Rani Lakshmibai in 1813 was none other than the most famous ruler of the State who later ascended the throne of Travancore as Swathi Tirunal Maharaja—one of the greatest composers of Carnatic music. Besides music, His Highness was highly learned in Sanskrit, poetry and other fine arts. Though His Highness died at the young age of 34 years, he ruled the State for nearly 18 years and was a master of 13 languages. Apart from music compositions, he has written a book on “The Theory of Music” in his own handwriting which is preserved even today in the Department of Oriental Studies, Trivandrum.
Munro became an ardent devotee of Lord Padmanabha and personally undertook the work of temple administration. The code he evolved in Temple Administration is even now followed in several temples of that region.
As a digression, it may be noted that when Munro first came to India and took service under the British Government in 1801, he was for some time looking after the administration of some of the districts in the South, ceded by the Nizam of Hyderabad. In this capacity, he was once entrusted with the job of bringing the land on which the famous Sri Raghavendra Swamy Math is situated in Mantralaya under the control and jurisdiction of the East India Company under the Permanent Settlement Act. When this order came to the notice of the local citizens, many natives and devotees of the Math vehemently opposed the move as they thought it would be a religious sacrilege for a foreign government to encroach upon the holy premises of the Math. They approached Munro with their grievance. Munro decided to visit Mantralaya personally and check about the religious sanctity of the Math. It is said that when he reached the Math premises, removed his shoes and was about to enter the Math, Sri Raghavendra Swamy himself appeared before him in a vision and it is further said that both became involved in a conversation. However, no one knew about this till the fact was made known by Munro himself. A subsequent issue of the Madras Government Gazette, however, bears witness to this strange incident. It is also learnt that soon after this incident, Munro was promoted as the Governor of Madras Presidency in which capacity he got cancelled the earlier decision of the British Government to annex Mantralaya. When the Math sent some consecrated coloured rice [Mantrakshatha] to Munro as God’s Blessings on the occasion of his elevation to the post of Governor, he received it with all humility and reverence.
Sir Thomas Munro, Scottish by birth and Hindu at heart, died of Cholera in India in 1827 when he was on tour of the Northern Districts.
(contributed by:Mohan Rao on 25.06.2011)SRI PADMANABHASAWMY TEMPLE, TRIVANDRUM And SIR THOMAS MUNRO, GOVERNOR of MADRAS Hinduism, also called Sanathana Dharma, is universal in application and does not make any difference between one religion and the other. All the devotees who believe and follow the tenets of Hinduism are respected and rewarded alike. The foregoing is a classic example of an Englishman by ...
Dry fruits are considered rich source of nutrients and regarded as delicacies. Several fruits that come under dry fruits category are: Cashews, Walnuts, Almonds, Raisins, Pistachio, Date, Peanuts, Macadamia nuts, Hazelnut etc. These fruits are packaged in aesthetic designs either as assorted or as a mix in different proportions and sold as gift pack in the market at good prices.
The dry fruits are packed in accordance to their weight, size and quality. Packaging style changes with taste and class of consumers. Several packaging styles include silver serving trays with bowls, baskets and hard board packets.
Dry fruits are hygienically processed and enriched with high nutritional elements to make them delicious and ready to be consumed raw or used in various foods items to make them delicious. Other food items which are made up of different type of dry fruits are mango pulp, fruit cocktail, canned fruits/juices etc. Cashew nuts and peanuts are also sold as roasted nuts in various flavors like garlic, salt, pepper, chocolate, chilli, sugar and honey. These nuts are hygienically packed in vacuumizeded nitrogen flushed foil packs to increase shelf life. Raisins are natural sweetners and used in various food items to enhance the taste. These are processed and dehydrated from seedless grapes and the light colour of the raisins is preserved with sulphur treatment. Raisins are consumed either raw or mixed in various other preparations, e.G. Cakes, rolls, pies, or in combination with dried fruits
Dry fruits have special importance during long journeys because of high nutritive value. Variety of peanut items include groundnut Kernels, blenched peanuts and redskin Blanched Peanuts are packed peanuts which can be readily used for consumption and Redskin Groundnut Kernels have red colored skin over it.
Scorched Splits Cashew nut is Kernels split naturally lengthwise.
(source: http://cvsingh.hubpages.com/hub/Dry-fruits-taste-consumption-and-health)Dry fruits are considered rich source of nutrients and regarded as delicacies. Several fruits that come under dry fruits category are: Cashews, Walnuts, Almonds, Raisins, Pistachio, Date, Peanuts, Macadamia nuts, Hazelnut etc. These fruits are packaged in aesthetic designs either as assorted or as a mix in different proportions and sold as gift pack in ...