Enjoy light reading

 

 

  • Perception: Women Vs Men

    Women Friends chatting in office.
    Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

    Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

    Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

    At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

     

    Husband 1: How was your evening?

    Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

    Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn’t paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

     

     

    (contributed by:Rajagopal Bommakanti on 07.11.2011)

     

  • VODKA

    Who Knew???

    1. To remove a bandage painlessly,

    Saturate the bandage with vodka.
    The stuff dissolves adhesive.
    2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers,
    Fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking,
    Let set five minutes and wash clean.


    The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
    3. To clean your eyeglasses,

    Simply wipe the  lenses with a soft,
    Clean cloth dampened with vodka.
    The alcohol in the  vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
    4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka
    And letting your safety razor blade
    Soak in the alcohol after shaving.

    The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
    5. Spray vodka on wine stains,

    Scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
    6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face

    As an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
    7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo.

    The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair,
    And stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
    8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka


    And spray bees or wasps to kill them.
    9 Pour one-half cup vodka
    And one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag

    And freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches,
    Pain or black eyes.
    10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar
    With freshly packed lavender flowers,


    Fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly
    And set in the sun for three days.
    Strain liquid through a coffee filter,
    Then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
    11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth
    To rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
    12. To cure foot odor,

    Wash your feet with vodka.

    13 Vodka will disinfect

    And alleviate a jellyfish sting..

    14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy


    To remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
    15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth.

    Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain..

    And silly me!

    I only used to drink this stuff!!

     

    (contributed by: Mohan Rao on 15.09.2011)

  • Healthy Life Tips.

     

     Healthy Life Tips

    1.) After getting up in the morning,  sit outside in light for minimum 15 minutes.

    2.) Avoid ginger tea in the morning. It may cause  skin diseases like pimples on face, itching and weak the heart.

    3 ) Tulsi in the  tea is the best for healthy life.

    3.) Have only Light eye wash  in the morning.  Avoid heavy  eye wash.

    4.) Take fruits in breakfast with food only. Only fruits without food causes cold and sinus.

    5.) Boiled milk  with  bread or biscuit for children gives a good health.

    6.)  For best health results, water drying fruits like Banana, Apple, Papaya, Cheeku should be taken with Citrus fruits –  Orange /  Pornegrenate. Alternately  drink  lime water or  tea.

    7.) Ajvain, Black Chilli, Black salt should not be taken much, it causes skin diseases.

    8.) We should not eat small things kept at home like biscuits or namkeen. After eating them we should always take milk or tea. No water should be taken, it can cause Acidity or Gas.

    9.) In Lunch / food should have vegetables. If we do not have them curd or milk should be always taken.

    10.) Always we should take medicine after taking good food. One slice of bread or chapaati with milk should be taken but not just one biscuit.

    11.) In fever, cold or cough we should not eat moong dal or khichdi. If this khichdi will be cooked with porridge then the disease will be cured fast.

    12.) In fever or cough the fruits should be used little.

    13.) If throat infection occurs hot water should be taken. Salt should not be taken and while eating at that time milk bread should be used.

    14.) Take curd when eating  Maithee, Spinach. This helps in good  digestion else it may promote  piles.

    15.) The vegetables with  tari (curry – liquid) helps in reducing  heart diseases. Use only fresh Atta (flour). Avoid   use of dry vegetables.

    16.) Kidney Disease – Use of artifical  colours  causes kidney diseases. Avoid medicines with  empty stomach.

    17.) Some people think we should not drink water after eating food. We should drink water to avoid constipation and warming of blood.

    18.) Today there are many reasons for Blood Pressure. Avoid  use of eatables  kept  over  night and  refrigerated eatables.  Avoid previous night’s flour and use of dry vegetables in case of high Blood Pressure.

    19.) Moong Dhuli Dal is cause for Gas trouble. To avoid Gas, take Moong Dhuli Dal with some vegetables or  potatoes.

    20.) Use of  Apple’s Murabba in the morning is very good for health. Avoid  Amla ka Murabba in the morning. Take  sour eatables things in the afternoon or evening to reduce Joints pain. For Slimming take lime water after lunch or dinner. Use of Lime water in the morning may  cause  Arthritis.

    21.) Ladies with empty  stomach or late breakfast may  like washing clothes. Today ladies do their breakfast very late (and say first let me finish all the work then I will eat breakfast ) It will cause back pain, neck pain and arthritis. So it is better to eat something in the morning to keep  away these diseases.

    22.) Junk Foods like Chowmein, Burger, Pizza may be taken  with  soup, tea or juice. But  It  may cause Pimples, Dandruff or Acidity. Water is  best  for easy digestion.

    23.)  Curd milk or salted lassi, Raddish salad  are good for digestion with feast (heavy food).

    24.) Avoid refrigerated  chutney. It  may cause  thyroid pain. Eat  fresh  chutney.

    25.) Cancer can be avoided with use of fresh eatables. Avoid refrigerated eatables.

     

    In cough, fever, cold, headache, throat pain avoid  use of curd.

    Don’t watch TV while eating.

    Walk fast in morning and slowly in evening.

    Eat heavy breakfast

    Pain in ankle is due to the use of dry vegetables eat more vegetables tari (curry).

     

     

    (contributed by :- Dr. Rakesh Chand Garg, Homeopathic Doctor,  KH-89,Kavi Nagar, Ghaziabad,Ph. 4101721, Mobile – 9211610408)

     

     

  • Marriage Comparision

     
    LOVE MARRIAGE ARRANGED MARRIAGE
    Resembles Procedural Programming Language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations over phone and then try to fit all functions  to the candidate we like. Similar toObject Oriented Programmingapproach. First fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on the person. Functions are added to supplement the main program. Functions can be added or deleted.
    Family system hangs because hardware (Parents) is not responding. Compatible with hardware (Parents).
    You are the Project Leader. You are responsible for implementation and execution of project – married life. You are a Team memberunder Team Leader(Parents). So they are responsible for successful exection of project-married life.
    Client expectationsinclude exciting features like spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc. All these features are covered in the SRS(system requirement specifications)
    Love marriage is like Windowsbeautiful and seductive. Yet  
    one never knows when it willcrashif crashes, that’s the
    end.
    Arranged marriage is like Unix. Boring and colorless; but extremely reliable and robust. May crash but easy to recover.

     

    (contributed by:  Sandanadurai R on 26/9/11)

  • MANSLATOR (Woman-Language Translator)

     

     

    FOR ALL THE MEN WHO WANT TO SUCCEED IN THIS WORLD

     

     

     

    MANSLATOR (Woman-Language Translator)

     

  • Husbands

    While creating Husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.

    And then He made the earth round !

    (contributed by Guest on 18.03.2011)

  • Overconfidence

    It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

    The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Flowers.”

    “That’s right!” the boy said, “But, how did you know?” “Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

    The next pupil was the sweet shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.” “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

    The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked.

    “No,” the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. “Is it champagne?” she asked.

    “No,” the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”

    With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

     

     

     

    (contributed by: Mohan Rao on 25.10.2011)




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